Arab men, British women

For reasons better known to my subconscience, I woke up this morning thinking about an event that took place more than 20 years ago, when I was still a student.

I was at a dicotheque at my university town in England when I spotted another student with whom I was acquainted, dancing with a woman. He was a fellow Arab from a country that neighbours mine.

In an interval between dances, the couple joined me on the periphery of the dance floor, where I stood sipping a beer. My student acquaintance introduced me to the woman, whom he described as his "girlfriend", and offered to buy the two of us a drink. He then left us chatting and joined the queue at the bar.

In the course of our brief chat, I learnt from my acqaintance's partner, who seemed exceptionally open, that she and my acquaintance had a child together, that she was fond of my acquaintance, that she and my acquaintance co-habited and that she hoped, or had been led to believe, that she and the child would go to live with my acquaintance in his country after he finishes his studies. Although I believed that she was genuine in her hopes or beliefs, my instinct told me that in all probability she would end up disappointed and hurt.

It did not take long for my instinct to be confirmed. A few moments later I was left chatting alone with my acquaintance. In contrast to her expressions of fondness for him, his references to her were blatantly contemptuous. Indeed, when my acquaintance eventually finished his studies he returned to his country, alone, as I had suspected he would.

Although my acquaintanceship with the woman in question had lasted no more than a couple of hours, her partner's abandonment of her and their child had left me with an uncomfortable feeling. This was made worse some months later when I bumped into her in the town centre and she looked the other way to avoid talking to me. She had obviously tarred me, and probably all Arab men, with the same brush as her former boyfriend. I am pretty sure that is why this episode has been imprinted on my subsconscience and resurfaces from time to time.

Unfortunately, this is not a one-off story. Every now and then one hears or reads about stories of Arab men, ordinary folk as well as the spoilt and dysfunctional relatives of corrupt Arab rulers, mistreating European women: stories of abandonment, violence and misunderstanding arising from misperceptions and partially accurate stereotypes. Of course, British men mistreat their women too. But while in the public's perception this does not tar all British men with the same brush, the fact is that bad behaviour by some Arab men tends to reflect badly on all Arab men. This may seem unfair but it does mean that the onus should be on Arab men to respect themselves, their women and the women of their host country.

This is more likely to be achieved if certain ground rules are followed. For instance, if one knows that one's stay in Britain is only temporary (e.g. if one is a student), then one should avoid forming relationships. If the perceived need for a relationship is in fact a need to satisfy a sexual urge, then it would be better to buy sex from a prostitute than to deceive and hurt another woman (and hiring a prostitute is not a licence to abuse her).

I would even go further than this and suggest that Arab men (and maybe men from other cultures as well, but I am writing about Arab men here) should avoid forming relationships with British women altogether, unless the relationship is a one-night stand and both parties understand it that way.

I say this because I believe that we Arabs are fundamentally and irreconcilably incompatible with the British. We can peacefully coexist with them as guests, residents or citizens as long as we respect their laws and their way of life, but as far as relationships, marriage and bringing up children are concerned, there is no significant common grounds between us and them, not now and unlikely in the foreseeable future.

So my advice to Arab men in Britain and elsewhere in Europe is this: rather than humiliate yourselves or break some woman's heart; rather than be landed with a painful and expensive divorce, lose your children and maybe even end up snatching them back to your homeland, do the right thing in the first place and do not get involved with British women. Share your life with your own kind and never look elsewhere because forming a relationship with a British woman will be a ticket to hell for you and assured misery and heartache for her.

Comments

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It's quite sad that you have to use the term "their women". Women are not property and this phrase implies that they are.

[Muhammad al-Arabi]

Nonsense! You're just being over-sensitive. "Their" is the absolutely correct word to use and it does not imply ownership. And it applies to men as well, e.g. if I were talking about how British/Arab/Inuit/Jewish/Martian women treat THEIR men.

[Boit-du-Gazouze]

Not all Arab men are like that,here in France Arab men and European women have the lowest divorce/separation rates.

[Muhammad al-Arabi]

If that's true, then good. But I suspect the fact that most French women are of Catholic origins (even if they had to "convert" to Islam in order to be acceptable to their Arab husbands' families, they are still really Catholic), has something to do with this.

[joseph]

your confuse two different distinct things. arabisme and Islam the first is a culture that evaluate since ever and that had contact since hundreds of years with western countries, while the second is caught in it's traditions that obviously limit the contact with others.

[KT]

I think what u have said is utterly ridiculous and very racist, especially when u said "stick with your own" like Western women are not good enough. I'm British and been with a Saudian guy for over 2 yrs & we r fine. I have embraced his culture & religion & he takes an interest in western culture too. There are also many divorces between Arab men & women also. I even had an Arab guy confiding in me once about his marriage to his Arab wife. He said he was bitterly unhappy with her, because she was too demanding and materialistic, that she couldn't cope with their child or know how to take care of the child properly, and was often so depressed she didn't make an effort for him, go out anywhere or do anything. She would just nag at him & demand things. He also said that he wished he had never married an Arab woman for this reason & that he should have married a British woman, because they are more appreciative of things, less demanding & have better personalities. So it has nothing to do with being British, as Arab women can be bad for marriage & child rearing too!!

[Muhammad al-Arabi]

Clearly, English comprehension was not your best subject at school!

First, I did not say, or in any way imply, that Western women are not good enough. That’s something you imagined.

You say: “I'm British and been with a Saudian [sic - the correct adjective is Saudi!] guy for over 2 yrs & we r fine. I have embraced his culture & religion & he takes an interest in western culture too.”

I wonder what would have happened if you had not embraced his culture and religion. The answer is simple: you would not be together for two weeks, let alone two years – unless, of course, your are still not married, in which case my bet is that he will not marry you. And if he marries you and the two of you return to Saudi Arabia, the prospects are (1) you will have to undergo a character-bypass operation and become a child-birth factory; (2) you will become entirely subservient to his family

You say: “There are also many divorces between Arab men & women also. I even had an Arab guy confiding in me once about his marriage to his Arab wife. He said he was bitterly unhappy with her, because she was too demanding and materialistic, that she couldn't cope with their child or know how to take care of the child properly, and was often so depressed she didn't make an effort for him, go out anywhere or do anything. She would just nag at him & demand things. He also said that he wished he had never married an Arab woman for this reason & that he should have married a British woman, because they are more appreciative of things, less demanding & have better personalities.”

He was probably chatting you up, trying to win your sympathy!

Pardon my cynicism, but I speak from experience.

I hope I am wrong.