For reasons better known to my subconscience, I woke up this morning thinking about an event that took place more than 20 years ago, when I was still a student.
I was at a dicotheque at my university town in England when I spotted another student with whom I was acquainted, dancing with a woman. He was a fellow Arab from a country that neighbours mine.
In an interval between dances, the couple joined me on the periphery of the dance floor, where I stood sipping a beer. My student acquaintance introduced me to the woman, whom he described as his "girlfriend", and offered to buy the two of us a drink. He then left us chatting and joined the queue at the bar.
In the course of our brief chat, I learnt from my acqaintance's partner, who seemed exceptionally open, that she and my acquaintance had a child together, that she was fond of my acquaintance, that she and my acquaintance co-habited and that she hoped, or had been led to believe, that she and the child would go to live with my acquaintance in his country after he finishes his studies. Although I believed that she was genuine in her hopes or beliefs, my instinct told me that in all probability she would end up disappointed and hurt.
It did not take long for my instinct to be confirmed. A few moments later I was left chatting alone with my acquaintance. In contrast to her expressions of fondness for him, his references to her were blatantly contemptuous. Indeed, when my acquaintance eventually finished his studies he returned to his country, alone, as I had suspected he would.
Although my acquaintanceship with the woman in question had lasted no more than a couple of hours, her partner's abandonment of her and their child had left me with an uncomfortable feeling. This was made worse some months later when I bumped into her in the town centre and she looked the other way to avoid talking to me. She had obviously tarred me, and probably all Arab men, with the same brush as her former boyfriend. I am pretty sure that is why this episode has been imprinted on my subsconscience and resurfaces from time to time.
Unfortunately, this is not a one-off story. Every now and then one hears or reads about stories of Arab men, ordinary folk as well as the spoilt and dysfunctional relatives of corrupt Arab rulers, mistreating European women: stories of abandonment, violence and misunderstanding arising from misperceptions and partially accurate stereotypes. Of course, British men mistreat their women too. But while in the public's perception this does not tar all British men with the same brush, the fact is that bad behaviour by some Arab men tends to reflect badly on all Arab men. This may seem unfair but it does mean that the onus should be on Arab men to respect themselves, their women and the women of their host country.
This is more likely to be achieved if certain ground rules are followed. For instance, if one knows that one's stay in Britain is only temporary (e.g. if one is a student), then one should avoid forming relationships. If the perceived need for a relationship is in fact a need to satisfy a sexual urge, then it would be better to buy sex from a prostitute than to deceive and hurt another woman (and hiring a prostitute is not a licence to abuse her).
I would even go further than this and suggest that Arab men (and maybe men from other cultures as well, but I am writing about Arab men here) should avoid forming relationships with British women altogether, unless the relationship is a one-night stand and both parties understand it that way.
I say this because I believe that we Arabs are fundamentally and irreconcilably incompatible with the British. We can peacefully coexist with them as guests, residents or citizens as long as we respect their laws and their way of life, but as far as relationships, marriage and bringing up children are concerned, there is no significant common grounds between us and them, not now and unlikely in the foreseeable future.
So my advice to Arab men in Britain and elsewhere in Europe is this: rather than humiliate yourselves or break some woman's heart; rather than be landed with a painful and expensive divorce, lose your children and maybe even end up snatching them back to your homeland, do the right thing in the first place and do not get involved with British women. Share your life with your own kind and never look elsewhere because forming a relationship with a British woman will be a ticket to hell for you and assured misery and heartache for her.
